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I find groups,sites and post made by people who say they wish their were an amputee. Sometimes I get comments left to me saying things like. " oh i wish I could be like that, or wow  I want my legs gone. I got tired of comments like this on one site I am on. So I wrote the following. I have no problem with devotees or other people's kinks but  this really bothers me sometimes when I see people saying how great it would be and how they wish for it. I have even seen post where people will on purpose hurt themselves so they have to have an amputation. I don't mean to offend or put people down for their kinks I just thought maybe they needed to know what they really are seeking.

Let me your thoughts on people like this. If anyone can please help me to understand why some people desire this.

You have a strong desire to be an amputee.

So you would like a life of pain 22/7 of your life. That even the strongest pain killers wont get rid of but put you at a high risk for stomach troubles, heart attack and high blood pressure.

You would like people to stare at you, little kids to hug tight to their mom in a store because you make them afraid. You try to smile and say hello but they hug on to their mother's leg tighter.

You want to lay awake at night unable to go to sleep because you can't get that missing part of your body in the right position to be comfortable enough to sleep.

You want people to walk around you being sure to stay a few steps away because you might be contagious. or maybe just walk over you because you don't seem human enough to respect.

You want them to talk to the person you are with because after all you are missing parts of your body and therefore must be slow or retarded also and unable to talk for yourself.

You want to worry each time you get a pain in your head because maybe the blood flow is messed up due to the missing part not allowing blood to flow correct. You fear you may have a blood clot in your brain or heart each time your head feels funny or you chest hurts.

You want to have to ask others for help because no matter how damn hard you try the world is not set up for you to do everything on your own when you are missing a part of your body.

You want to worry even if you get a cold and have a fever because just maybe there is an infection inside the bones from your amputation.

You want to have maybe the amputation not close totally and have to deal with a wound for almost year. You want to have machines hooked to you to help it heal. You want an order from the wound that you have to worry if others can smell.

Maybe you want a full amputation like mine. Where even the parts that make you feel like the sex you are male or female is gone. You long to have a connection with another person and make love or be made love to and instead you lay awake at night crying because you can't even fantasize about this anymore because your mind wont let you get past the parts you are missing. you want to have pee in a bag on your belly and shit in one on the other side. You want to look down and not only not see your sexual parts but not even able to see much of your tummy because it is covered in bags to help you pee and shit.

You want to not be able to lay on your side because of the bags on your belly. Because then the bag bust and you have a mess to clean up. You want to wake up with the bags broke and have to yell for someone to help you.

You want to lay in bed knowing you can't meet the person you love's needs. You want to feel less than human and pray to God to make it all stop or pray to the devil to just give you a few years of your body back even if it means taking your soul to hell because the life you are living is hell on earth.

You want none of your clothes to look like they use to.

You want people to be attracted to you because of your amputation not in spite of it.

You want to question yourself if life is worse to live than to just die.

You want to wonder if those who stay with you and help you do it out of love or pity. You want to never be sure people love you and want you or just there because they think you are to bad off to be alone.

I don't knock other people's kink. I am just saying are you sure what you desire to be is really something you will be able to withstand.

I read profiles and post of people wanting to be an amputee and I thought maybe I would share what it can be like.

Angel

I realized I had not told you much about myself. Who i am and was before the day I was told I would be cut in half.

I am 43 years old and at age 2 I became paralized the doctors  truly had no cut and dry to the reason why and i try not to think about the why part of it myself. It don't change the facts.

I grew up in Kentucky in an abusive house hold. I was able to bet the odds and get out of there.

My Grandmother was told when i was 2 years old I would not live past age 12. I did. I was later told I could not have sex. I did. I was told I could not have kids. I did. I have a son 22 a daughter 21 and a son 19. so i proved the doctors wrong. now I have osteo in my hips and pelvic area. Two hospital basly sent me home to die. I am not one to just go home and die so with the help of my Master we looked for another place and had decided we would not stop looking till we found someone to help.

Albany medical center is where we end up and they told us about the hemicorporectomy and said they were willing to do it if they could we me. Well that was  March 5th and now 20 days later they have studied and worked teams together to get ready. I am glad they have took their time to work this out.

I love to read horror mainly. Like Stephen King , Dean Koz, Robin cook. I love movies of all kinds.

I also have what they call MPD Multiple Personality Disorder. It means more than one person uses the body i use. There are 39 of us and one who is hid that live inside the body. It is scary to some, some think we fake it, others just think we are nuts. Here is a site that may help you understand it more. Not all 40 of us are on the page yet as suzzy has not had time to catch up. the pictures are pictures she found online that looks the most like the person who lives in us. Many call them alters i call them family.

http://rebscommunity.com/OurSpecialFamily.html

I will talk more about me later. stay tuned.

well  by now you all should be read about me and ready for more. I am the type of person who has to believe there is a reason for all things. This helps me on this journey. Believe me at times I cry a lot and questions the Gods to why this has to be me. then i find my space again and remember i have been chosen or this job. Is not one i would have just  applied for but is one i have never the less.

The body went to school till 10th grade and then got their GED . LaDonna handled most of the school stuff. I only really became out in Dec, 1999 the kids may remember it as the year they got all the toys from the church. they brought a truck with tons of stuff. well that is the time i came out that month. I made sure we had all we needed though we had no money and i had to beg.

At one time in our Life we owned a Diner, and lawncare/housepainting. The Lawn care and housepainting, handy man stuff LaDonna kept it all running the best she could.  the diner was open 3 months or so. The people inside really enjoyed that and hope to do again.

ok more next time. they are here to draw some of my blood.